I meet with a group of writers every Friday morning via Zoom. We gather to check in on our respective projects, writing and publishing efforts, and life. We keep each other accountable, share learning and commiserate about the struggle to stay focused and on track. We hold onto belief in each other when we lose faith in ourselves.
On a recent call, I brought one of our members' negative self-talk to her attention. She was surprised but grateful. We all admitted to making self-deprecating and snide remarks about ourselves. It’s hard to recognize when we’re doing it.
We decided to establish the self-talk equivalent of a ‘swear jar.’ We’ll throw USD 1.00 in our virtual jar whenever we're caught engaging in negative self-talk. That’s CAD 1.36…We’ll use the money to buy books to support our community of writers.
The words we say to or about ourselves are absorbed by our bodies. Our words can deflate us and program our minds according to the worst of our self-talk.
From the ‘qualifiers’ to ‘jokes’ to the flat-out hateful things we say:
This is probably a stupid question, but…
I’m sure I’m the only one who doesn’t know/ get this, but…
I’m an idiot.
I’m never gonna get this.
I’m so uncoordinated.
I’ve never been good at...
I can’t…
Sorry, I’m such a dummy…
The good news is we can:
Become aware of our acts of self-sabotage.
Catch our words before they leave our mouths and imprint themselves on our minds.
Create a positive antidote to the negative self-talk by acknowledging our gifts and strengths.
Make a practice of saying something kind to ourselves regularly.
Put money in a self-talk jar to buy more books! (Or whatever floats your boat).
Our minds don’t differentiate between put-downs and compliments. Positive reinforcements build our confidence. So why not choose to highlight your excellent qualities and celebrate them?
Did you think: “But I don’t have any excellent qualities, so…” Throw a dollar in your self-talk jar!
What’s your go-to negative self-talk? And what’s your antidote?
I love this idea Linda!! I think I will start this with my family. I'm starting to recognize my children saying negative things about their work, creativity, etc. and we are having many talks about this. Thank you.
Good morning Linda, I don’t suppose you have a spare CAN $530.00 tucked in a cedar chest? My next couple of days are likely to produce a wheelbarrow load or two of exasperation. That in turn is a trigger to grumble and spit out words like, “I’ll never get this done!” Or, “I always postpone the unpleasant tasks until the last minute.” Smoke billows from my ears. The urge to drink a pot of coffee nags me.
My antidote consists of stillness and measured breathing in order to re-center myself. If my brain, my being, still feels like someone’s banging a stock pot with a heavy metal spoon, more breathing is indicated. I’ll rescind my plea for book money. And make journal entries. Thanks for the tap on my noggin to help me be aware of the land mines I tend to set for my thinking and self care.
NOTE: funny this. Three people-emoji popped up in response to “ self care.” Each is receiving a head massage! Thumbs on their foreheads and fingers on either side. 💆♂️ Like a three alarm fire?