Stefan de Villiers is a son, brother, husband and fur daddy to two dogs, Lola and Lucy. He has a masters degree in clinical social work and he’s a podcaster.
He was born in Canada to Afrikaans parents. Growing up, his family moved back and forth between Canada and South Africa four times which caused a first layer of tension around his identity. He related to being Canadian more than South African. His parents were proudly South African and expected him to embrace that identity. His time in South Africa left him feeling unsafe and the regular moves meant he was always the new kid trying to fit in.
Growing up his father suffered from a lot of health issues. They lived under constant fear that his father would die. Stefan looked up to him but feared his temper. Maybe his behaviour would be the cause of his death. Stefan was an anxious, high energy child. He tried not to be ‘too much’.
Stefan’s relationship with his mother was difficult. Over time she became his father’s caretaker. As his illness and mobility issues became worse she was resentful. She bullied and humiliated him in front of Stefan.
Stefan was depressed, and by age 12 began to have suicidal thoughts, believing he wouldn’t live past 30. Puberty brought on more questioning of who he was. He didn’t like feminine things. He wanted to be independent of his mother who didn’t respect Stefan’s boundaries. He escaped into books: Shakespeare, Dickens, King Arthur. He related to the male characters more than female though sexually attracted to both men and women.
In 2004, after more than a decade of struggle, he began a gender transition. It was his last shot at life. The process has been difficult but a relief. It was a life and death decision.
Skipping ahead, Stefan built a new life. He got married, and choose a career helping others as a mental health clinician.
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Stefan's Social media handles:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TiltedWindmills/
Instagram: @tiltedwindmills
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/tilted-windmills/
The Softly Spoken podcast is available on Spotify or ApplePodcasts or Simplecast. It’s also
available on the Tilted Windmills website.
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RESOURCES
Mental health resources for Canada. This is not an exhaustive list.
Please search for Mental Health supports locally or through federal, province/ state or municipal services. If this is an emergency, dial 9-1-1 or local police.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 1-833-456-4566 (24/7) or text 45645 (4 pm to 12 am ET).
Crisis Services Canada: https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/looking-for-local-resources-support/
Kid’s Help Phone: https://kidshelpphone.ca/
For young people 5 - 29 years of age. Call a counsellor: 1-800-668-6868 (text and messenger options through the website)
Hope for Wellness Help Line: Call 1-855-242-3310 (toll-free) or connect to the online Hope for Wellness chat.
Available to all Indigenous peoples across Canada who need immediate crisis intervention. Experienced and culturally sensitive help line counsellors can help if you want to talk or are distressed.
Telephone and online counselling are available in English and French. On request, telephone counselling is also available in Cree, Ojibway and Inuktitut.
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Stefan de Villiers - Finding Our Voice