Grace moved across the desert; the barren horizon endless. Glasses no longer needed. The physical limitations of imperfect sight gave way to the impacts of life lessons unlearned. A suitcase sat near, an old-fashioned suitcase with clasps. There were no wheels to help lighten the load. It was heavy and uncomfortable. The weight required constant adjustment. It was cumbersome to carry as she made her way across the expanse. Hot, dry, dusty, and oppressive, there was no reprieve, no oasis in the distance.
There was no time. It seemed the sun was always directly overhead, and the wind always in her face. Not a cooling welcoming breeze but an arid wind throwing sand.
Grace left not being at peace. Not having made peace. She had passed through and she couldn’t go back in life. She couldn’t go back in love. The physical, living world and time move in one direction. She moved forward but was trapped in the life she had lived. Was she drunk? Did she try to kill herself? Was she trying to leave that world? She’d killed another. These were energies she was responsible for now. She had taken them. She must now travel with them. Freed of the physical world but anchored there.
She carried a jar that had put a few mouthfuls of water left in it. The water was hot. She dared not drink the last of it. She didn’t know how much further she needed to travel.
She came upon an old woman sitting at the side of the road. It looked like a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. The woman was on the ground, next to a bench. A flower pot in front of her containing a withered plant. She seemed to be in a trance. Grace thought of resting next to her on the bench but her throat was dry and she did not relish chit chat with a stranger. As she came near she saw a smile form at the corners of the old woman’s mouth. Lines formed in her red cheeks. Her bright eyes appeared from behind her heavy lids. Her eyes peered at Grace and she smiled.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Grace nodded an acknowledgement knowing that her upbringing would require that she stop and give this person a bit of her time, though Grace never lost her mistrust of strangers. They always wanted something. She always felt harassed by pan handlers wondering what their angle might be. Now what might this old woman want from her? This is a desolate place why would she be here except to catch a passerby? A trap. She was out about to be tested. Grace stood next to her looming over her casting a long shadow. Feeling superior but weakened by the sun. Grace’s shadow lay over the old woman, offering some shade from the relentless sun. Again, a smile.
“Thank you for your shadow.”
“Oh, you’re welcome.”
“Are you finding what you came for?”
Grace didn’t want to answer. She had left that morning to get away. Not to find something.
“Yeah” Grace said try not to give away her irritation with cryptic questions. “Are you waiting for someone?
“Yes. You.”
“Me?” (Haha) “I didn’t know I would be coming this way. I didn’t plan very well. I didn’t bring much water.”
“I see. Will you share it with me?”
“Uuuuh… well, I can’t. I don’t have enough. I’m sorry , I would but I didn’t plan… And I don’t know how I’m gonna get home and I didn’t… Didn’t you bring any water with you? That wasn’t very smart neither of us.”
“Will you share your water with me?”
“Look, I can’t. I only have a little. I’m really thirsty I don’t know when I will find water again. I’m sorry. You should have brought some with you. Do you have a water bottle?”
“What do you fear?”
“What? Oh well I don’t want to run out of water. I will feel stupid I should have planned better. I know better.”
“Will there never be any more water?”
“Well, I don’t know. I don’t know but I have to hang on to what I have until I can be sure.”
“Will you enjoy what you have?”
“Probably not. It’s now hot and it’s been sitting in this bottle for awhile. Smells funny it’s not very appealing.”
“Will you share it with me?”
“Why do you keep asking me? I can’t! I can’t give this to you I won’t have any left that would be stupid.”
“Can you predict the future?”
“What? No! Ask stop asking me these stupid questions.”
“Nothing is certain. Nothing is fixed.”
“OK, look it’s been nice chatting, but I have to go. I’m sorry I can’t share my water with you. I would if I could but I can’t if I had more water, I would give it you some.”
“It would have no value.”
“Sorry?”
“I hope you found what you were looking for.”
“I left this morning to get away not to find something.”
“Success.”
“OK this has been fun. Can I send someone to help you?
“Yes.”
“OK who?”
“You.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you I can send someone.”
“You are everything I need.”
“You’ve had too much sun. I just got here. Look, I’m hot, tired, tired of my life and I’ve been walking along time. I should get going good luck I wish I could help –“
“Your thirst will never be quenched. The water you have will never be enough. If you believe it. You seek what are you already have.”
“OK, that’s enough. I’m going to go. I don’t need a guilt trip along with everything else. You should have planned ahead!”
She turned her back on the woman, took the jar and threw most of the water down her throat. The smell, the taste made her cough and choke. She spit much of it out. Her thirst returned more fiercely.
“Damn it! Here have what’s left! You’ve ruined it for me!”
The woman took the dribble of water from her she poured it on the small plant before her and save nothing for herself.
“What are you doing! I wouldn’t have given it to you if I knew you were going to dump it on your stupid plant!”
“It needed it more than me. It will take care of me.”
“Oh wow, I can’t believe I just fell for this.”
Grace stormed away leaving dirt and dust in her wake. Half a kilometre away she turned to see the old woman sitting under a vast tree. The tree shaded her from the sun.
Tears poured down Grace’s cheeks. She walked on her thirst no longer troubling her.
Was she drunk? Did she try to kill herself? Was she trying to leave that world? She killed another. These were energies she was responsible for now. She had taken them. She must now travel with them. She had to spend her time now in service in to rebalance. Freed of the physical world but anchored there.
She must live always to be what she didn’t feel in her own life. Create that safety to guide others.
Near the Oak, a dog greeted her. A sentinel. She came forward for her Arrival. After processing at reception, she was sent then to the ‘backstage’ of the garden to await direction, reflecting on her life, the end, and this beginning. Forever now, in service.
Feels like a bit of a mash-up without the diligence of a detailed edit. Tenses and pronouns and references may be a bit wonky. Trying to pull together some threads here. Grace / Hospital would be the precursor to this part of the Grace story.